August, 22, 2019
It’s been a little over a year now that I have been without Aily by my side. As promised to her, I have spent this last year traveling, grieving, healing. I have struggled a lot the last few months in trying to figure out my next steps. Where can I best move on, heal, become my own person? After many pro’s and con’s lists of different places I could go, I decided to move back to Albuquerque, NM. Never in a million years did I ever think I would move back, but I feel like this is where I need to be. I have a great support system out there, friends who are more like family.
I am very excited for this move, but at the same time, I am sad to leave. I have spent nearly 20 years here in the Pacific NW, and while it’s never truly felt like “home” to me, there are many memories here, many good friends, and my family. I have realized over this past year of traveling, whenever I came back home, I would be sad, depressed, knowing that Aily wasn’t here with me. It doesn’t help that my bedroom is still in my parent’s dining room, where she took her last breath. I never planned on staying at my parent’s house, but I knew I needed a big change, to restart my life, figure out who I am, without her.
I will miss my family and friends so much, but I know this is the right decision for me. As I embark on the next chapter of my life, I am hopeful to find myself, learn how to thrive without my twin. As my brother told me, staying here in Washington, I am merely existing, not really moving forward. He is absolutely 100% correct (for once, don’t tell him I said that), I realized staying here, I have not been able to move on, I haven’t allowed myself to. Being here, where the last few years are filled with sadness and heartbreak, I know I needed a big change, a new beginning.
Thank you all for continuing to follow my blog, my journey; this has been the best therapy for me, and I am glad I get to share it with my family and friends.
Some more pics with my Aily
January 2018, in San Diego for our friend’s 40th birthday
In NYC 2016 Aily’s attempt at taking a group selfie, none of us are feeling this picture
June 2016 trip to the Zoo
July 2017, me and Aily out to lunch, she drew the Frog, I drew the Panda