My First Overseas Trip Without You

February 7th, 2019

So 2019 has been off to a better start, as far as traveling goes. Since the beginning of this year I have been to Oregon, Hawaii, Las Vegas, and now as I type this I am sitting in my hotel room in Basel Switzerland (and it’s only the first week of February). I am very fortunate to have family and friends who invite me along on these adventures. I am forever grateful!! I have lots more trips planned this year before I go back to work. Aily wanted me to take my time to travel, grieve, and heal; and I am doing just that.

After her diagnosis we traveled as much as we could. We went to Mexico (cruise), Paris, Berlin, Prague, Australia, along with countless trips and visits to friends and family in the US. This is my first trip overseas without her. My older sister is here for work, so I knew I would be spending a lot of time alone. Last time when Aily and I traveled with our older sister for work, we had each other to explore together, try new foods, and find our way around. It is quite an adjustment exploring a new city alone, eating meals by myself, there is a lot of time for self reflection. Whenever I see something, or eat something I know she would have liked, it makes me sad, cause I still automatically look for her to share in the experience, only to realize I am alone. She is no longer at my side, laughing with me, getting grossed out when I eat things she wouldn’t dare eat (like scallops), or helping me figure out math, directions, booking all our trips, all the things she was good at, and I am not. The empty lonely feeling is as palpable today as it ever was, and I miss her so much every day!! I keep wondering when this will get easier, and I think the truth is, it will never be easy. The hole she left in my life will never close, it will remain with me till the day I die. My heart is forever broken, but I know I am not. While I am sad to be without her exploring this new city alone, this trip has shown me that, I can do this by myself, as much as it might hurt and suck, at the end of the day, I will be okay. I am surviving the worst possible thing that could happen to me, losing my twin. I still have my good days and bad days, but there are definitely more good days, and I am hopeful for my future ahead.

Here are some pictures of my trip in Basel so far:

This is called the “Window to the Heavens”…..I thought about her when I was here

Rhine River in Basel

Random pics I know Ally would have liked!!!

She would have loved this wall

Some cool random street in the Old Town part of Basel

Our hotel

First dinner was in France, a short train ride from the hotel

Aily would have been so grossed out watching me eat these!!!

SBB train station, walking distance to the hotel

Now some pics of Aily:

Aily poolside in Australia

Aily in Australia….who is photobombing who???

Just one of my favorite pics of us…Aily always said we look like two boys here!!!

5 comments

  1. Jennie Barrett · 10 Days Ago

    I am so proud of you.
    I am honored that you’re sharing your heartfelt journey. As always I really enjoy reading your blog.
    Ali is with you in spirit.
    Enjoy your trip.
    With much ❤️
    Jennie

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Dorothy Darrow · 7 Days Ago

    So proud of you and inspired. You have lost so much but, remember, Aily will always be in your heart.

    Liked by 1 person

    • siobhanmcalorum · 7 Days Ago

      Thank you Dorothy! I know, I just miss her so much!! I am having a great time

      Like

    • siobhanmcalorum · 7 Days Ago

      Thank you Dorothy! I know, I just miss her so much!! I am having a great time here and it was amazing scenery and food!!

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s