Seasons Change, Nothing is the Same

October 16th, 2018

I know it’s been a while since I have written a blog post, but to be completely honest, I just haven’t mentally had it in me to write. I have been taking some “me time”, to cope with things, do some traveling, and preparing myself for some big life changes as well.

Fall has always been my favorite time of year. I love the cool crisp air, the changing colors of all the leaves, the need for warm and cozy clothes and blankets, but mostly because it is the start of the NBA season. As I am sitting here watching the opening night of this NBA season, I laugh as I watch Shaq, Ernie, Kenny, and Charles banter back and forth with KG who accidentally says SHIT on live TV during the TNT basketball pre-game show. I watch the Boston Celtics kick the 76er’s asses. The Golden State Warriors are receiving their championship rings and raising the banner for being the champions from last season. This is bittersweet for me because watching the NBA was one of mine and Ailish’s favorite things to do. Whether we bought tickets and traveled to watch our favorite teams and players in person, or watched from home, we always cherished watching these games together.

I distinctly remember after Aily had the strokes last May, she was never quite herself again. She didn’t really have her spark anymore, had a flat affect, didn’t initiate conversations, and only spoke when spoken to, except when the NBA playoffs were on. We spent a lot of time in the hospital her last few weeks, and so we watched as much basketball together while we were there. She would always pat her hand on the bed to signal me to lay next to her and watch the games. It was during the games I would see glimpses of the old Aily come back. She would high five me and cheer when our team would do well and would say “shit” or “god damn it” when our team did stupid shit. So, yeah, the start of this NBA season is bittersweet, and NBA basketball will always hold a special place in my heart. Also, court-side NBA tickets were on her bucket list!!! It obviously meant a hell of a lot to her as well. Tonight, as I continue watching Golden State play OKC, I am excited for the new season, but sad to be watching it alone. (Actually, Kieran is nice enough to watch it with me).

Like I have said before, there are lots of things I will have to get used to doing alone and learning to cope with that reality is just as hard. For the last 10 years I have been dealing with endometriosis, adenomyosis, and fibroids, and I have had 3 laparoscopic surgeries to help with symptoms and help treat it. Ailish has been by my side after all these surgeries, with a sweet hand-written letter and a baby (stuffed animal, that’s what we call them) waiting for me when I am in recovery. Tomorrow I am having a hysterectomy to help treat and cure a few of these problems. This will be the first surgery I have without Ailish waiting for me, writing me a funny letter, telling me to hurry up and wake up because she is hungry, and that she has a cute fluffy baby waiting to cuddle with me. Before she was diagnosed with cancer, she always took care of me, was my nurse after these surgeries, my care taker. I miss her every day, but I definitely miss her the most at times like this.

I apologize for not being the most social sister/aunt/daughter/friend at times, not visiting everyone I wanted to during my travels, and not keeping up with my blog, but I am doing my best to cope. I still have good days and bad days, and still learning how to weather these storms. Like clockwork, the seasons change, yet this year, nothing is the same.

pre kindergartenme and aily earl

Always had each other’s backs!!

12 comments

  1. leslienapolitano · October 16

    I love reading when you write. Go at your own pace, no one expects anything from you than to take good care of yourself. I am sorry to hear that you will be having surgery, I’m sure Kieran will be a rockstar. Please reach out if there is anything at all you want, need, or anything else. Love you and sending you tons of positive energy 💕

    Liked by 1 person

  2. aliesharuiz · October 17

    I loved this. Thanks for sharing. I learn a little more about Aily with every post.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. jenadamsmhc · October 17

    Thank you for writing what you can when you can. I love those pictures!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Michelle Metzger · October 17

    Wishing you a speedy recover Siobhan. You are a beautiful writer and love those twin pics.

    Liked by 1 person

    • siobhanmcalorum · October 17

      Thank you Michelle, I love sharing pics of me and her, especially the young and baby ones!

      Like

  5. Dorothy Darrow · October 17

    My heart is breaking for you. I’ll watch basketball with you, OK?

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Mary Farmer · October 17

    Dear Siobhan, I hope all went well with your surgery. It is always bittersweet to get your blog posts because even though I can’t wait to read them, I regret not being able to give you a hug and tell you everything will be okay. I am grateful you have loving family & friends nearby to support you. I am sending loving thoughts and positive, healing energy to you. Love you & miss you and the family. ❤ xxoo

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s